Happy to Work For It…

Those of you who follow me have probably noticed that I didn’t quite make the deadline I set in my last post. I had planned to return to blogging by October 21st, and it’s now November 18th… but hey, sh*t happens. *Palm, forehead*

I am happy to say that not all of that time has been spent in vain (some of it, to be sure; but not all). I’ve begun to repair my relationship with my baby brother. I managed to clean my house (and asked my husband for help, instead of expecting him to read my mind). I joined a book club with my Mama. I returned to my home-group meeting in the Anonymous. I registered for classes this Spring. And, I’ve been studying like crazy for placement exams. All in all? It’s not the worst way that I’ve been known to spend my time.

I haven’t been walking. My husband and I started, and then I got sick and had to be on antibiotics for ten days (which always fells me)… but we will start again soon.

I haven’t been writing. Instead, I’ve been talking to my husband. Really talking. And though we have a long road ahead of us, I’m starting to feel like we both have our feet firmly on the pavement. He continues to be patient. I continue to be passionate. Different sides of the canyon, but with far less space between them.

I haven’t been reading. It’s not that I haven’t had the desire; it’s that I’ve lacked the energy. Studying mathematics for hours each day takes its toll. (Especially on someone who far prefers the arts and humanities.)

I didn’t make that schedule I was talking about. Instead, I’ve just gotten off my duff when I don’t feel like it. Instead of getting angry or frustrated with whatever’s going on in my head, I move into action of some kind. I’ve tackled a few tasks that I’ve been putting off for far too long, and still have some yet to do (those that I’d rather leave at the bottom of my mental trunk gathering dust). With each new day comes a new opportunity, and I have tried to make it count, in my own way.

I’m being gentler with myself, and (I hope) I’m being gentler with my husband. It isn’t easy, but it has made a surprising difference in both my mood and attitude; both of which make my marriage a more enjoyable place to be.

I’ve had more pleasant days than not, as of late… and continue to hope that it isn’t just a passing phase. I’m told that you have to work for happiness… and I’m finally trying to do just that. I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.

P.S. I did give up – once more! – on that damnable, stupid book. *Sigh*